On the downside, I am not sure these things are for me. Not that they don't look fine on me and not that I haven't gained a lot of stylish ideas that I will be continuing with in the future, but I am having trouble using the fun fashion files that I keep as inspiration and turning them into something that I love on ME!
This isn't a body issue post. This is a style issue post. I have said before that I want to give off a certain vibe about me. After going through my recent layoff from my past job, a few months of unemployment, and a new hiring at a vastly different company, I have been going spending more and more time thinking about the me that I want other to see.
Sure I want people to think that I am stylish. I want them to think that I am fun and creative. At the same time, I want them to think that I am sleek, professional, minimal, and chic. To me that means someone who doesn't have a lot of extra hanging here and there. No boho chic and not too much feminine girlie. I want people to see that I am a strong person. Portraying this person that I have an image of in my head is very important to me right now.
As much as I long to try all the fun things that my bloggers do on a daily basis, I need to figure out how to make some of these things work in this image.
That morning, I pulled out a chic, comfortable, pulled together dress. On it's own it would have been great. It would have fit said parameters for being me. Instead of wearing the dress alone, I needed to make it a warmer version for our 40-50 degree weather lately (or 30's even. ICK!) I pulled out a brand new pair of leggings, (Super cute on me... but...) layered a long sleeve shirt under the dress, and went to the kitchen for breakfast.
I could hardly eat my breakfast. My thoughts about what I was wearing were eating at me. Sure I looked cute and I would have been happy to post the outfit for my fashion friends to see (and should have) but I wasn't who I wanted the people at my new job to see me as. The outfit didn't fit the me I want to be in my new job. The outfit would fit someone else IN my same job just fine but I couldn't wrap my mind around it being me for the day.
I instead layered the long sleeve tee under my dress, added my black skinny cords, and tucked the dress in as a shirt. The pants brought the outfit into the tough enough but creative enough realm that I was happy with.
I spent a large part of my day wondering why I couldn't be happy with the initial (cute) outfit. I think it is for the same reason that I wasn't happy with this recent outfit.
It was cute but not the me that I want people to see. Not the image I want to portray. Not the person I want to be. (Granted she IS a cute person. I may have thoughts about the grass being greener on the other side for a day, and I may rant about the size of my tummy, but overall I am happy to have the body I have.)
This is not a moan that I don't look cute or a cry for sympathy that I can't fit into certain clothes. Although I have those days too. This is an in depth look at why I don't wear the cute items I buy. A discussion with myself about who I want to be in life. A concentration on what makes me me and the person I want people to see me as.
Why do I have to feel the pull to try all these cute things when it doesn't fit with what I am working to create?
